Recently on Twitter some religious people took me to task because I described Creationists as “Non Thinkers”
In fact I have been using the hashtag; #NonThinkers in relation to Creationists for some time now.
I am doing it as a bit of a wind up, but as is often the case with humour there is a seed of truth in it.
Most Creationists that I have ever met seem to just repeat statements that they have heard, but that they have never actually thought through.
Its like they have Karaoke opinions, someone else’s words are passing through them without going through their brain first.
Creationists often start their argument with the words “I’m not a scientist but…”
That’s when you should just call their carer over and walk away.
Now a great many people have warned me in the past that it is pointless even talking to Creationists, but I will confess that I find it fun.
Much in the same way as a visit to the monkey house at the Zoo can be fun, seeing how they are almost like us, but just not as clever.
I’ve met Creationists who haven’t figured out how their opposable thumb works yet.
It must be quite nice living in a state of blissful ignorance, just accepting the teaching of your leaders, eating your grass, and being led to the slaughter with a smug smile on your face as you go to collect your reward.
There are of course some Creationists who are very intelligent indeed.
You can easily spot them, as they are the ones who make money out of the stupid ones.
GOD HATES CREATIONISTS.
If god does exist, (and he fucking doesn’t), he must hate Creationists.
He made man with the ability to reach this point of intelligence, an intelligence that has taken us to the heights of scientific discovery, and he has left us all these clues, and evidence of how brilliant everything is, only to have his biggest fans deny that any of it is true!
But that is par for the course.
Think of any time you have seen a “number one fan” they are always nutters.
I bet Jimmy Savile’s Number One Fan still has all their Jimmy memorabilia up on the walls, living in a state of hope, and denial.
Just like Creationists, the “number one fans” know that it’s not true, but if they close their eyes really tight, and pray really hard, the facts might just go away long enough for them to get through the long, dark night without getting too afraid.
Because I think a lot of it is based in fear. (The church agrees with me here, for proof just look at the fear mongering tactics they use to indoctrinate children).
BE AFRAID BECAUSE GOD IS WATCHING YOU!
Most of us liked it when we were small children, (if you were lucky enough to outrun the local priest).
When we were small children and our parents were looking after us, keeping us safe.
When we were fed, clothed, and kept out of harms way.
In those long ago childhood days when everything was simple and lovely.
But then we reached adulthood, and realised that eventually we would have to look after ourselves.
Not only that, but we might have to look after children of our own as well.
So this is it!
I’m supposed to do everything for myself now?
What a fucking nightmare!
OK! I’d better get on with it and learn some life skills.
And so the son of the father learnt how to open a tin of beans, and boil a kettle, and roll a spliff.
And lo everything was good.
But some people could not let go of that childish wish to be looked after, and so were forced to believe the unbelievable.
God loves us all, and if you are good you will go to heaven.
And if something bad does happen it is all part of god’s plan for you.
If you trip and fall over, it is a simple lesson to teach you to look where you are going.
If you don’t get the promotion at work that you deserved’ its just god’s way of telling you that you should not value earthly things, and you will get your reward in heaven.
If you get terminal cancer, and suffer terrible pain and distress its just god’s love cleansing you of your sins from a past life.
Don’t think about that too long and you can have a lovely life, you can be a good person, and have a lovely, fulfilled life doing good and helping others.
(Just like the non-believers).
And even when you die, you don’t really die because if you were very good, and very afraid of god, then you get to go and live in the clouds for ever and ever amen.
But if you were not good enough, then it’s burning in hell for ever and ever amen.
Unless you know about the loophole.
Yes there is a loophole: you can live as sinful a life as you want, but play the pleading for forgiveness card at the last minute and you are off the hook.
Straight up to heaven to big it up with the suckers who missed out on all the pussy and drugs during their life.
100% NO PROOF.
Creationists seem to think that everything that can’t be easily explained proves that it is the work of god.
Scientists can prove evolution until by a slow process of adaptation they develop blue faces, but the moment they show repetition, hesitation or deviation the Creationists immediately claim it is the work of the supernatural.
Always demanding proof of evolution, but never showing any proof of god.
If anything our life experiences prove there is no god.
No god, no justice, bad things happening to good people, abuse of power by the very people claiming to be here doing god’s work.
The religious seem to think that their arguments never need to be explained, simply stating them as truth is enough.
Just by saying it out loud often enough makes it true.
It’s the word of god…Duh!
Recently on Twitter a creationist that I was debating with stated that:
“The fossil record actually disproves evolution”
That’s a thought provoking point, now I’m really interested in hearing this theory.
But when asked to explain how, my god-bothering friend had no answers, just that it was true and god would show me if I was worthy enough.
I don’t believe in the fucker….why would he show me when he hasn’t shown you and you are one of his fucking fans?
Now they are teaching creationism is schools alongside science!
Between getting this stuff at school, and at church some of our young people have no chance of developing into well-balanced adults, unless they catch a glimpse of a David Attenbourgh documentary along the way.
I do wish that I had gone to a Creationist school; they didn’t have to start as early as the rest of us.
CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES.
At the very least the church should move on, catch up with the times.
We still celebrate Harvest Festival, marking the time when there is an abundance of food.
Once a successful harvest was a sign of mans achievements, the ability to successfully feed everyone was a major feat.
It was a symbol of how well mankind was doing.
People had developed so much that they could feed themselves, and still have enough time on their hands to celebrate.
Nowadays being fed is not really an issue for us in the Western World; generally most people have plenty to eat.
A better sign of how far we have come on as a people is hardcore pornography.
Our lives are so easy that some people have nothing better to do than sit around and think up new extremes of hardcore porn.
Some people have such good lives, they have enough time on their hands to sit around thinking up porn, watching porn, or making money from porn.
We should celebrate this.
Everyone is well fed, and has enough free time to watch porn.
Churches should be holding special services to celebrate,
Instead of Harvest Festival we should have; TRIPLE PENETRATION SUNDAY.
It would remind us all of how good our lives are, and that we should give thanks to a loving, and caring god.
It would fit easily with the existing imagery:
TRIPLE PENETRATION SUNDAY, when we remember the love of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost.
(We all know what the A and O stands for).
The “JESUS LOVES YOU” mugs are available to buy from my website;