Lance Armstrong has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show to admit that he took performance-enhancing drugs while competing in the Tour De France.

Even after all the years of denials, he now seems to think he is doing the honorable thing by confessing.

Confessing only after he was caught!

It’s like a man getting caught in bed with another woman, and saying to his wife;

“ I want to do the honorable thing and confess to having an affair”

There is an easy way to see that this is immoral, just to look how often politicians use the same tactic.

Lance, if you are behaving like a politician then your life has gone so far off track that you are racing the Tour De France in Yorkshire.

Turns out that the only time Lance was not lying was when he wrote the title of his book;

It's Not About the Bike

It’s Not About The Bike, its about the drugs Lance!

In the interview with Oprah he says that he will be:

apologising for the rest of my life

Yes apologising and living a millionaire lifestyle.

He has already stepped back from being the public face of the cancer charity LiveStrong as he felt he was bring it into disrepute.

However this does not see the end to his charity work as he is setting up a new charity for drugs cheats who have lost their sponsorship.

It’s called “LieStrong”.

It is a sad indictment of the times we are living in that anyone who does a lot of charity work now looks like a suspect.

I think that this should be known as a Savile Smokescreen.

But it does only seem to work if you are rich and famous.

I got stopped by the police for speeding, and the officer did not care at all about that sponsored walk that I did in primary school!

Perhaps we should just change the rules and let everyone in The Tour De France take drugs.

If fact all professional athletes should have to be on drugs, we could develop a whole race of super fit freaks.

Sports would be great!

The Tour de France would be all over in one really exciting day.

Rugby would be a fucking blood bath!

Football would always be end-to-end stuff, and as steroid abuse causes early death we would not have to see these Alpha Idiots cropping up on Question of Sport after they retire.

I suspect that most top athletes are on drugs already.

Here is a fun game for us to play during the next major sports event, every time an athlete fails a drugs test, you have to smoke a spiff and run around the block.

First person arrested wins.

Maybe it’s best to just forget about Lance Armstrong now, and let him go back to looking at his empty mantlepiece, well its not totally empty, he still has the Employee of the Month Award from when he was a cycle courier.



I don’t want to seem like a hypocrite about performance enhancing drugs, I’ve taken them myself…

In the Hacienda during the 1990s, I was on performance enhancing drugs every Saturday night.

In fact one night I took so many Es that I was rattling more than Bez’s maracas.

But the recipe of loads of MDMA, great music, and not being very physically fit proved too much and I started feeling really ill, so ill that thought I was having a heart attack!

Having a heart attack but feeling euphoric at the same time. (Aren’t drugs great).

I was so full of MDMA that I just happily gave myself over to my fate.

I prepared myself for death and walked towards that bright light.

I walked towards that bright light, but when I got close it turned out to be a Glitter Ball so I just kept on dancing.


But basically I’m all for drugs, remember that without hard drugs the world wouldn’t have Kelly Osborne.

For any young people reading this, please be responsible about taking drugs.

Think about what you are doing:

If you are doing Es you need an LSD chaser to colour it up a bit. And some whizz to keep you moving.



Writing this blog has reminded me about my 100 Things To Do Before You Die List;

Number 47.

Go to Vegas and blow all my money on hookers, drugs and booze.

No wait, I’ve already done that!

I know…

To Swim with Downs syndrome Dolphins.




One comment

  1. Pingback: DRUGS, LIES, AND VIDEOTAPE. « martinmorblog

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