THE NEW YEAR HANGOVER.

You might not have a sore head anymore, but the effects of the festive season are still with us.
It’s the real New Year hangover!

The big question on people’s lips this week is how long should you keep your Christmas decorations up for?
Ancient tradition tells us that your tree and lights should stay up until the morning that your Christmas credit card bill arrives.
Ironically this is exactly the time that most people need a bit of brightness and hope in their lives.

Is there anything worse than finding a broken Christmas tree bauble?
Finding half a worm in your Christmas tree bauble.

If you feel the need to leave your Christmas lights up all year round, by all means do it.
It will make it easier for the Jeremy Kyle Show researchers to find you.

By the time an average person living in the UK reaches the age of 35 they will have used enough Christmas wrapping paper to build a life sized Paper Mache model of the Statue of Liberty.
If you actually manage to do this, I imagine that it would be the sort of thing that Elton John would buy.

It’s about this point in January people realise that the unhouse-trained puppy is for life; it’s the carpet that was just for Christmas.

At this time of year the gym is always full of new members trying to lose weight.
You can easily spot them, as they are the ones walking on the treadmill, reading a magazine.
I wonder what burns the most calories Heat or Hello?

So my advice for getting over the New Year Hangover is to give all your unwanted stuff to the charity shop, forget the New Years Resolutions, and start saving up for Valentines Day.

RECENT TWEETS:

Every time a Twitter user gets 1,000 followers Mark Zuckerberg has to swallow another inch of Satan’s cock.

Every time you heckle a Northern Comedian a branch of Greggs closes.

I have kept the Police Report of every punch-up that i have ever been arrested for.
In a scrapbook.

All this trouble over the Falklands.
Peter Falk really should have left a will.

I see that Jim Davidson has been out in the woods shitting in the Pope’s hat.

I’m on the Viagra and amphetamine diet.
Its very strict.
There are hard and fast rules.

A big thank you to The Pope and his mates for keeping the fantasy of Jesus going.
Perhaps they could invent another character so we can party some more?

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