So yet another year comes to a close, and we all drift that little bit closer to death.

I really enjoyed all the sport on TV this summer, but it was the Paralympics that really caught my attention.
Watching all those great athletes made me realise that if I was ever disabled in a tragic accident, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
I could be quite happy sitting watching sport all day.

One of my favorite moments for the year was definitely the look on Gideon Osborne’s face as he got booed at the Paralympics.
That look of horror as he realised some of the Plebs were not as tame as he thought.
Then of course he tried to laugh it off, I hope that one day he will be trying to laugh off the fact that the villagers are storming his castle with burning torches and pitchforks.

There has been a bit of a scandal this week when many of the Paralypians were overlooked in the New Years Honours List.
I wonder if this was The Tories revenge for Osborne’s humiliation?
It does seem like the sort of petty, spiteful thing they would do.
That and cutting the athletes disability benefits.

I really respect the people who turn down these Honours, often because they don’t want to be used a propaganda for our Parasite Overlords unjust system.
“I know we are syphoning off all the countries money into private off shore bank accounts, but look we have given Chris Hoy a prize for riding his bike”

To misquote the Sex Pistols:

Never mind the OBEs, it’s the hospitals.

My one real wish for 2013, apart from world peace and justice for all, you know that stuff that everyone claims to want but that we never achieve due to continually voting in the sort of cunts who only care about themselves and their millionaire mates.
My one real wish for 2013 is for people to realise that stadiums are not the best places to watch stand up comedy.
Sitting with thousands of people watching a dot move about on stage, while you stare at an image on a big screen can never be as good as the intimate live experience of a good comedy club.
If your only experience of live comedy is seeing Peter Kay at the M.E.N. Arena, or Russell Howard at the O2 then you are really missing out. Apart from the fact that they are both shit, you wont have experienced the intimacy and spontaneity of a good comedy club.
Try one of these clubs and you wont go wrong:
The Stand Comedy Club; Edinburgh, Glasgow, Newcastle.
The Glee Club; Birmingham, Cardiff, Nottingham, Oxford.
The Last Laugh; Sheffield.
The Laughterhouse, Liverpool.
The Laugh Inn, Chester.

That’s most of the country covered.
There are of course loads more good comedy clubs around; these are just some of my personal favorites.

Like a lot of people I would like to lose a little bit of weight next year so I am going on a diet.
It’s the Viagra and amphetamines diet.
I’ve seen the before and after photos of those people on Crystal Meth and the weight just drops right off them.
It’s a pity about the loss of teeth as well, but I have heard the hollow cheeked look is going to be all the rage next year.

So crank it up and have a tweeking great 2013.


Over 1 Million people have had the Winter Vomiting Bug.
All their puke was collected up, named Piers Morgan, and sent to America.

Be careful if you are driving, the roads are very busy and this bad weather is making it very difficult to tweet.

Every snowflake is beautiful and unique, but they all melt if you piss on them.

Jesus said; “Love one another” at The Gang Bang of Gethsemane.

Children should be seen and not heard, unless you are lucky enough to have a basement.

Money talks, it also whispers dirty little secrets in the darkness.

Creationists looking for evidence of the “missing link” between primitive and more evolved species…
You are it.

When we all airlifted out, a few of our comrades got left behind.
Some of them are still there!
There are still people alive on MySpace!


The Toffs are hunting foxes,
The Plebs are at the sales,
The Poor sleep in cardboard boxes,
Saying fuck the Prince of Wales!

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